When the Heart Leaks in Isolation


There’s an old Hans Christian Anderson story about a little Dutch boy who saved the town of Haarlem (no, not that Harlem) from flooding. You see, the dike had sprung a leak and thanks to the quick thinking of the boy who stuck his finger in the hole, the town was spared disaster.

That’s not as easily applicable when it comes to another kind of leak… the leaking that comes out of our hearts. If your heart is the core of “you”, your emotions, desires, imaginations, and even some beliefs, and all of that is swirling around, it becomes clear that given the right circumstances, the heart leaks. What comes out? At times, virtue – patience, kindness, love, joy, etc. But more often than not, what comes out of us is ugly vice – impatience, unkindness, apathy, grumpiness, self-absorption, self-justification and the list goes on.

Now that have been in a mode of self-quarantine for weeks now, what started out as a change of pace can seem like it’s quickly turning into something quite different. When you live in close quarters, marriages, families, roommates will all experience up close hearts that leaks out sin. Some of the early reporting is that there has been an uptick in divorce filings in China as they are just coming out of quarantine. In some cases it’s just the irritation of living in close quarters with people, having to deal with kids the whole day, and the monotony of life stuck in our homes for the most part. But in other instances, the leak is actually revealing something much more serious – inattention to kids, a spouse, a lack of communication or poor conflict resolution skills.

This kind of leaking cannot be fixed by putting your finger in the dike. It can’t be fixed with sheer will power alone. This is saying that a person cannot change their character by moral fortitude by simply saying, “I’m going to change me.” Christians in particular are vulnerable to treating real spiritual growth as something closer to behavior modification. We know we are supposed to change but we revert back to our old ways of trying to fix ourselves (Gal. 3:1-3). Two simple initial questions might be, “How do you respond to you when your own ugly sin leaks out of your heart?” and “How do you respond to the other when their own ugly sin leaks out of their heart?”

A good friend of mine, John Coe who teaches spiritual formation at Talbot Seminary, would say that when sin comes leaking out of our hearts it’s an opportunity for us to say, “Mmmmm…” What he meant was it presents itself as a gracious opportunity for you to see the depth of your own sin that lies deep in your heart. You shouldn’t be surprised because it’s been there the whole time. That is your character that’s been habit formed over time. But it’s also a gracious opportunity for you to also see the magnitude and magnificence of the cross. His love is the greater than the guilt and shame, the pride and fear that come out of your heart.

So rather than hide or cover or blame-shift, we can take an honest look at our sin. It is sin and it’s ugly. But even that has been put on Christ on the cross. So, rather than seeing God lecturing us, as wagging His his finger in front of us (“you should know better” or “stop it” or “I’m so disappointed in you”), we can imagine Him coming up alongside of us, putting His arm around us. He is saying to you…

That is a lot of sin in your heart, but I want to walk with you through it all. Even this was paid for by my Son on the cross. Yes, you will put some effort into dealing with this sin at the root, but it’s grace-fused effort. I want you to learn the easy way of discipleship and that’s to yoke yourself to me. I’ll carry the heavy load and change you, but your daily work is to consent to my work by opening up your heart to me you would to a close friend. You will have to look and deal with your sin not at a surface level but the roots that go deep into your heart. That’s hard. But the easy part will be for you to ask My Spirit to come and grip your life with the gospel as our love sinks further down into your heart. When the gospel sinks down into those places in your heart where you really don’t trust Me, and you see the clear beauty of my Son, then it will effectively change your heart and out will come more and more of the right responses.

Don’t rush over this as you would any other “daily application” from a devotional, a sermon, a podcast or book. Keep practicing this spiritual reflection exercise and then go take a walk outside to get some fresh air and some space. But stay six feet away from everyone…

The Gift of Isolation


When Kay and I were married, we received a wedding gift that we, well, didn’t know quite what to do with. It was a large, very colorful ceramic rooster! I’m sure the givers thought this was a unique and beautiful gift but, frankly, we didn’t know where to put it in our little apartment. To this day I’m not sure what happened to it! Did we “misplace” it or did we re-gift it?

When we think of gifts, it’s usually with the idea that the gift is valuable or wanted. What do we make of a gift where the giver has a wonderful idea in mind but the receiver is confused or doubts that the gift is in fact good? As many of us are following the instructions to stay at home while COVID-19 runs its course, it was met by me with with a certain level of unwantedness. I was busy doing ministry, I had good things to do, I had a schedule, a rhythm. All of it seems to be an unwanted interruption in my life.

Yet, using our imagination, could it be that even isolation is a gift from God? Henri Nouwen in his book The Inner Voice of Love wrote that we may find our, “loneliness not only tolerable” but possibly even profitable. How can our isolated loneliness profitable? It feels very unproductive, stagnant, even boring. What do we have left other than to find new ways to consume entertainment through Netflix?

We are reminded that the Lord Jesus Christ often withdrew to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:16). Our Lord was not unfamiliar with isolation and the loneliness that accompanied it. So Jesus took advantage of those solitary times as an opportunity to open His heart up to the Father’s love. We can follow in His footsteps by even reading, reflecting and digging down into some of Paul’s prayers. For instance, in Ephesians 3:16-19 we read,

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (NIV)

It seems another gift we are given is a gracious mirror into our own hearts. Isolation feels abrupt and harsh but it’s only because we have filled the void with everything except the Giver of Life Himself. It’s in isolation and loneliness we start to see the ugliness of our own heart – crankiness, bossiness, anger, fidgetiness, inability to keep thoughts, anxiousness, bent in on oneself, and more – seem to all point to the clear fact that we are not as put together as we wanted others to believe. The question in isolation is often, “What do I do with me?”

God’s gracious gift in the isolation, even the tears that come with loneliness, are an invitation to have Him fill the deepest longing of your heart. It’s a beckoning call to believe in the gospel – that there is nothing that can remove God’s personal presence from our lives (Heb. 13:5). None of us would choose what we are going through. But given that we have the same resources Jesus had in relying upon the power of the Holy Spirit, we can take our situation and ask Him what He wants to do during this time. We might have tears of lonely sorrow but take heart because God wants to work profoundly at a heart level in all of us.

“I shall look at the world through tears. Perhaps I shall see things that dry-eyed I could not see.” Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament For A Son

My Thoughts on Crazy Rich Asians… Go See It!


A few nights ago we went with good friends to see Crazy Rich Asians. Think about it but 2018 has been the year of two definitive “ethnic” movies – Black Panther and now Crazy Rich Asians. Both are redemptive in the sense of giving voice to a group of people who have felt not only left out of the mainstream but stereotyped in movies or, even worse, whitewashed. Here are a few thoughts why it’s an important movie and why I would recommend it (spoiler alert!).

I think it’s really important to keep in mind that what made movies like Black Panther and Crazy Rich Asians a success is the script. Before everyone goes over the top and says this ushers in a new day of movies that represent minorities, remember it was the foundation of a great script then actors/actresses and a director that made these movies stand out. Just like Joy Luck Club and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon were touted as game changers only to be met with years of drought, it takes good material to start with.

Second, while it’s a rom-com, unlike many other movies, it’s incredibly nuanced with culture and identity issues. It’s not just a movie about girl gets guy, but girl wrestles with issues surrounding her identity as someone who has roots both in traditional culture but also modern culture. This is the story of Asians who were born in the states but have to jump the cultural fence at times trying to hold to both a traditional and a modern cultural identity. I would recommend people seeing the movie simply for the experience of tying to understand the Asian experience of what it must be like to have to live in two worlds.

What is a person’s identity? Everyone in all cultures and all time periods takes an identity from someone or somewhere. In the movie it’s found in the statement made by Nick’s mother, Eleanor, who is fiercely protective of her son. At one point she tells the protagonist, Rachel, “You will never be enough.” How a person answers this crucial question depends on the source of their identity. Identity in traditional cultures was not discovered. Instead, it was “told” to you by your elders, by your extended family or group, and by society. It might not have come in words but it was something that simply understood. For Asians, who we are (our identity and if we are enough) comes from outside of us. Eleanor’s words reveal the traditional way of identity formation coming from an external source. Not only was Rachel “not enough” with her socioeconomic standing but also the family baggage she unknowingly was bringing along, and finally the coup de grâce that she was not Singaporean.

In contrast, the modern way of identity formation is to receive an identity from without but rather from within. In the movie, it’s seen as “following your passions”, another way of saying to follow your heart. What Rachel arrives at might seem odd to most people as she straddles both traditional identity and modern identity. She experiences an “enough-ness” from her mother who flies to Singapore to console her broken-hearted daughter. But she also looks within to gain pride and conclude she is enough. The director Jon M. Chu says the staircase scene where Eleanor says “‘You will never be enough’… tapped into something very true for Constance (who played Rachel), and I think she had a very difficult time doing that take over and over again. When we watched it back, people were crying on set.”

The search for identity is pervasive today and everyone is engaged in a quest to answer some fundamental questions. An identity is what grounds you even in the face of challenges. It answers the questions, “Who am I?”, “What purpose am I here for?”, “Am I enough?”, “What is the good life?” Even if a person is not intentionally engaged in the quest, culture de facto is forcing a narrative upon people in such a way that leads them to adopt an identity. The story of many American-born Asians (myself included) is the pull between a traditional identity and a modern one and Crazy Rich Asians is a picture of that struggle between identity poles.

The movie gives you an opportunity not only to understand the Asian experience but to reflect on how it is that you gained your identity, if you can articulate it all. How has the core of who you been formed so that when everything is stripped away or difficult times come there’s something substantial still there? It might be worth thinking and talking about and that’s what good movies do!

What Do We Mean When We Pray, “Give What You Command, Command What You Will”?


If you’ve been around Calvary Church for any time, you will know that Augustine’s famous prayer, “Give what you command, command what you will” is mentioned often. What did Augustine mean when he prayed this in his spiritual classic, The Confessions? While I won’t cover it here, in his later book, The Gift of Perseverance,Augustine actually admitted he wrote it to irritate a theologian named Pelagius. The church later branded Pelagius a heretic!

It’s important to understand what follows. The longer quote is “Give what you command, command what you will. You order us to practice continence.” (Confessions,29.40) It might be helpful to start with the definition of “continence” and it’s not the problem associated with wetting your underpants you get older…

The Greek philosophers understood continence in terms of self-control that was self-empowered. When Augustine speaks of continence, he speaks of it as something that is done by us yet it can only be done as we first bring ourselves to God in need to receive His power (2 Tim.1:7). In other words, you must show self-control but it’s only through your openness to God’s empowering that you can then show restraint. Augustine goes on, “A certain writer tell us, ‘I knew that no one can be continent except by God’s gift…’”(Confessions, 29.40).

What are you restraining then? Continence is being empowered by God to restrain yourself by gathering your soul in unity (re-collection) and not be torn apart by desires/emotions pulling you in all directions. This should speak volumes to we modern people who somehow are seeking an identity lived out in a bundle of desires and emotions that pull every which way. Desires and emotions are often good things, as many are real human desires. However, we always have to remember what sin does by infecting good desires, warping them so they become all important. We seek to fulfill these desires in the wrong way, at the wrong time, toward the wrong person, with too much strength, and toward the wrong end. As a result, we are a conflict of desires (inordinate or excessive) and somehow the desire for God gets submerged in the whirlwind.

So we can understand Augustine to be praying, “Lord, I am open to your divine work, empower me to do what you command. Now command whatever you will. You command me to be continent” (2 Peter 1:5-7). The power God gives us through His Spirit’s work in our lives is intended to enable us to re-collect our fragmented selves into a whole. Soren Kierkegaard spoke of this as, “Purity of heart is to will one thing” or “to will the one will.” Continence is how God works in you to re-arrange your desires through self-control so that your will becomes aligned with God’s. This is aimed toward the end of loving God for who He is and not for anything else (pleasure, answer to prayers, out of a sense of duty, etc.). Rather than using God as a means to get something else, continence is intended to help us lean into loving Him as the sole good in our lives (Psalm 73:28).



In short, Pelagius maintained that God’s grace is helpful to make obedience easier, but it was not a prior gift absolutely necessary for obedience. Now you get into questions of how deadly was Adam’s sin and what did sin do to a person? How you answer the question demonstrates how important God’s grace was in salvation.

Yes, Augustine had a serious problem with sexual desires. His book, The Confessions, really is about God taking a person who was broken only to redeem and renew him through conversion. However, the problem is when Christians speak of continence today it’s usually limited to the area of the sexual. Particularly, the Catholic understanding grew to be continence was synonymous with celibacy. Continence is at least relevant to sexual desires but it’s much bigger given that our desires have a much greater range.

Soren Kierkegaard, Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing

Post MLK50 Conference Thoughts: Courage for the Journey


mlk50_conference-thumb540x360I just returned from a conference in Memphis that coincided with the 50th anniversary of Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King’s murder at the Lorraine Motel. I was just a boy when Dr. King was assassinated so it was my own personal dream to be there on the 50th anniversary. The conference was a once-in-a-lifetime experience as I was in the place where the hopes of the civil rights struggle was simultaneously dashed yet rose from the ashes to gain momentum as a movement while a nation grieved. The conference was about keeping in step with what MLK’s radical vision based on a robust picture of Genesis 1 and the dignity afforded human beings because of the Imago Dei.

One virtue repeatedly spoken about from the platform was love. It is on account of His love for us and our love for Him in return that we embrace real unity and not just a fake unity that neither listens to the other side or makes others act like the majority culture in order to be accepted. What was unspoken and yet undergirded many of the messages was the virtue of courage. While we don’t speak much of courage today it is probably one of the most needed virtues. C.S Lewis writes,

Courage is not simply one of the virtues but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means at the point of highest reality.

Lewis’ point is that courage seems to be this “pivot point” that must be embraced in order express the other virtues. For instance, you must be courageous to love or you can’t be humble unless you are courageous enough to leave your ego behind. Courage is what emboldens you to lean into something of value, to gain more character than you currently have, or to create something of lasting value.

Courage as a virtue was originally thought of as an elite virtue. It was a virtue that was set aside for the warrior class who fought and protected. However, in a Christian understanding, the virtue of courage, according to Thomas Aquinas (the great medieval Doctor of the Church), is not so much bravery in battle but rather enduring and moving forward in life in light of Christ’s victory. In this way, courage is “leveled” in that it is the everyday man’s virtue and not just for the warrior elite. You and I have every opportunity to be courageous in a day when, dare I say, cowardice has more influence particularly.

From experience it takes courage on all parties’ part to lean into the conversation on race and not just back away from the table. Ambrose Redmoon wrote,

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

What’s at stake is the beauty of Christ’s bride the church as a diverse body of people. As far as I know, the gospel really is the only reasonable binding force that on one hand says your racial identity is not what’s ultimate about you while on the other hand offers this picture of the Kingdom as radically diverse with all people grounded in the work of Christ. That’s worth leaning into…

Am I Enough?


Let me take a final brief excursion. I’ve written about spiritual practices, both rhythms and regimens, how they do not directly cause growth but rather put us in the stream of God’s grace so the Spirit can do His work in our hearts to transform us. I referenced Dallas Willard saying, “God’s address is at the end of your rope”. What did Willard mean and how does this connect with the spiritual disciplines?

The Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 writes in the midst of experiencing a mysterious “thorn” where he pleaded with the Lord to remove it from his life. In God’s sovereign and good response was the ongoing presence of the gracious gospel. We know this because scholars mark these words in red, meaning these are the words of the Lord Jesus Himself! The answer is His continuing grace is sufficient for everything. This grace saved us and this grace is sufficient for us to stand on in the present.

Unlike the current mask we wear that gives the impression of power, being enough, having our act together we use to get through the Christian life, Paul actually says the Kingdom of God is the opposite. When we embrace our weakness, our finitude (I’m not omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, all-loving, etc.), and our brokenness, that is where true power comes from.

When we jump into these spiritual practices they have the effect of confronting false beliefs we all have. For instance, take the good Christian who acts out of their strength. They give this sense that they have it together and if they are broken, they mention it only in the vaguest of terms. While they might share a belief with you that God is sufficient for their needs, in actuality the deep belief they have in their heart is they are sufficient and it’s demonstrated every day in how they approach life and others. This is psychologically unhealthy as it causes a person to “split” between the public and private person. But it also unwittingly presents the gospel as “works righteousness” as one carries this tremendous burden to be sufficient in life. God’s shocking word is our sufficiency comes from Him alone (2 Cor. 3:9 ESV).

What the spiritual practices do, particularly the abruptness of the regimens, is confront the “beliefs” we tell other people with the real beliefs that are deep in our heart. They lead us to embrace our weakness taking apart the belief that somehow I must carry the burdens of the world on my shoulders. Take fasting for example. The point of fasting is not to fix. The point of fasting is to put ourselves in the position of realizing our real hunger is not merely for physical food but to be nourished by God’s sustaining and abiding Word (Matthew 4:4).

Fasting clears us out and opens us up to intentionally seeking God’s will and grace in a way that goes beyond our normal habits or worship and prayer.

Just as a person knee-jerks the response of self-sufficiency in life, fasting re-trains us by putting us in the midst of the gospel, that Jesus is completely sufficient to meet our needs. He is the source of life we should hunger for.

So when Willard says, “God’s address is at the end of your rope” what he means is God shows up when you realize that you are not sufficient the entirety of your life. In fact, you’re not sufficient for your spouse’s or your kid’s life. The sooner you embrace your insufficiency you will be in a place to actually grow. Contrary to the popular belief of “I am enough”, you really aren’t enough. The spiritual practices disrupt, they confront and take us apart, and they reveal our deep belief that we think we are enough by carrying the weight of life. His good work actually begins when we are weak and empty, at the end of our own ability to manage, control, and fix ourselves. That is what we partner with when it comes to the spiritual practices!

Adele Ahlberg Calhoun, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook

Spiritual Practices as Regimens


imagesRecently I spoke to a group of leaders at church about how people grow to become more like Christ as they follow Him. What makes “discipleship” hard to implement is people fall along a diverse spectrum of spiritual maturity. You have “beginners” not just in terms of new Christians but also those who simply haven’t thrown themselves into the means of grace to help them grow. As I mentioned in the last blog, we want to help these people jump into practicing basic rhythms in their life.

But then you also have seasoned Christians who have known and walked with the Lord for years who readily practice the rhythms of the Christian life. Yet, many will describe their growth as a Christian as stagnant with a great temptation to settle as if that’s as good as it gets. This is where the regimens come in! Regimens are those spiritual practices that are best done in short spurts because of their intensity. Now allow me a bit of a rabbit trail…

In 313 CE the Roman Emperor Constantine the Great issued an edict that Christian worship would no longer be considered a criminal action. This effectively ended the persecution of Christians. But some of the early Christians noted that persecution brought with it a built in mechanism for spiritual growth. When your life is on the line, you tend to get real clear on what’s worth giving your life to quickly discarding comfort. So with the end of persecution some of the early Christians, the Desert Fathers, retreated to the Nile desert region in Egypt and embraced “asceticism” or giving up bodily comfort and material possessions as a way to “re-create” the effects of persecution.

“Now that the Church and the State were at peace, the idea of martyrdom… [gave way to the ideal] of asceticism [as] a substitute for the shedding of blood”

As I have thought about it, this is similar to what regimens do… they re-create the effect of “turning up the heat” as a way to point you to the gospel so your character is forged by the Holy Spirit. In reality, this is what trials and difficulties do in general. Again, if the spiritual disciplines/practices are intended to get us to the end of our own resources to declare our utter need for God’s grace, the regimens are short-term, abrupt, “disruptive” practices that reveal our hearts and point us to God’s gracious love while having a refining effect.

Regimens would include among others solitude, silence, fasting, simplicity certain types of prayer, contemplation, mission, and secrecy. In the future, I plan to spend a bit of time unpacking a few of them. A wonderfully complete resource to pick up would be Adele Calhoun’s book Spiritual Disciplines Handbook. There’s a bit more in it for us to master, but there’s something helpful for all of us no matter where we are on the spectrum of maturity.

Helen Waddell, The Desert Fathers, p. xxvii

The Rigorous Christian Life


training-planAn old friend once said to me, “I enjoy what’s easy. I don’t enjoy what’s hard.” I enjoy sitting around a table with people over good food and conversation. Equally, I enjoy taking a day off where I have nothing to do. Both require very little investment other than me showing up. Yet, I often find that what’s helpful for me is not completely enjoyable. For instance, I don’t really enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn to have a devotional time before I head to the gym. Both require an investment, a sacrifice, and neither are “fun” yet both are incredibly important.

When a person becomes a Christian for the first time there’s a certain ease to it. I remember what it was like as a grad student in Boulder thinking to myself, “I really enjoy my devotional time reading the Bible each day!” It felt easy to do; something I thought would travel with me for the rest of my life. To my shock, I soon discovered what I knew was helpful for me carried with it a certain resistance. I was even more shocked to realized how hard it was (is) for my character to change. I can practice putting a golf ball and become skilled at it. But how do I become proficient in becoming the right kind of person?

The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Timothy 4:7, “…but train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” There is a rigorous training in the Christian life but it’s not the kind of training that focuses primarily on your will to accomplish something. For instance, one should not look at the fruit of the Spirit, or any command in the Bible to be virtuous and approach it as if they could make themselves be “that”.

John Ortberg in The Life You’ve Always Wanted, taking his cue from Dallas Willard writes, “The Christian gospel insists that transformation of the human personality really is possible. Never easy. Rarely quick. But possible” There is a re-training that all of us who follow Christ are invited to enter into. It’s not forced. Nor does transformation happen magically. Rather, it’s something that we choose to enter into because we sense it’s actually the way to become the kind of person who look more like Christ. Yet, as Ortberg points out this training is neither easy nor quick.

Here’s one question: When you read over Galatians 5 and the fruit of the Spirit, granted it’s  a package deal as in singular “fruit”, can you identify one virtue that you know you lack in your character? What would your spouse or close friend say is an obvious “hole in your character”? If you now know that you can’t become “that” by just gritting your teeth and trying harder every day, there is now a gracious demand for you to enter into a rigorous re-training so your character is formed. Where do you start? More to come…


John Ortberg, The Life You’ve Always Wanted, p.9

Six Questions to Start the New Year


There is a memorable line in The Shawshank Redemption that movie buffs quote regularly. At one point during a prison yard conversation, inmate Andy Dufresne says to Red” Redding, “Get busy living or get busy dying”. This statement becomes a key theme throughout the rest of the movie. It’s a great reminder to people that there really is no sense in which a person can put life on hold. For the Christian, even in the midst of hard situations, it’s imperative that we look for gracious opportunities to grow in sanctification.

With that said, here are some self-reflective questions that might help you get on the path of getting busy living life that has an eternal quality (John 10:10). In many ways, these questions reflect the heart of a person who follows Christ intently and not as “part of the crowd”.

1. “In what area of my life do I need to grow in wisdom?” (God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life by Timothy and Kathy Keller). I would recommend starting Keller’s year-long devotional book as a way to “get wisdom, get understanding” (Proverbs 4:5). All of us could use a bit more wisdom, with Jesus as the ultimate embodiment of wisdom (Col. 2:3).

2. What is one thing I can learn about the gospel in a fresh new way? How can Jesus become more real to me in my everyday life? We never get beyond the gospel. It’s something that is quite easy to understand yet it will take us our entire lives to reflect on both its beauty and complexity, noticing just how nuanced the good news to us really is. The more you think you are past the gospel and cease to wonder, the more you need to awaken to the fact that you missed something.

3. What is one spiritual practice that I can adopt as a “rhythm” or a “regimen”? A rhythm in the Christian life would be something done repeatedly daily or weekly as a natural rhythm (e.g. morning devotion or joining a Life Group). On the other hand, a regimen would be a spiritual practice done intensely for a short period of time (e.g. fasting, solitude or simplicity). If there is not some natural spiritual rhythm to your life (and I’m not counting, “I just go to church on Sunday morning”) then 2018 is a time to start by taking small steps. But for those of you who already have a natural spiritual rhythm to your life, it might be time to up the ante a bit. Remember all spiritual practices are a way to get you to the end of you and your power so in your weakness you rely more on God’s strength; to get you out of your comfort. As my friend Purity Nyamu wrote recently, “His abundance and my emptiness are a perfect match. I am designed to have no sufficiency on my own.”

4. Where is my life too comfortable and in what ways do I need to “lean into” faith in Christ in greater ways? A short word here. The default mode of our hearts is always to coast or to put our spiritual life on hold. Look at the number of justifications we offer why something would be “too hard” or “it’s not my calling” as a way to defer and deflect. In many ways, while my suburban life is pleasant, it can lead to a Christian faith that is nice and safe, without challenge. Jesus becomes something more like a cul-de-sac God than one who invites us into a life that feels unsafe. The issue for most of us isn’t toning down our faith because we are too “radical”. Our issue is that we don’t take the gospel seriously enough as it consistently should take us out of what’s safe and comfortable by challenging the status quo.

5. What is one topic I can learn more about? Take a topic in theology and spend a month reading, studying, and thinking more deeply than before. Or take an issue that connects to your faith, say, the wide divide between the races. Ask for suggestions of a book to read and go at it. You might find that the topic is more complex than you originally thought!

6. What is one vice (a habit or attitude of the heart that given the right conditions seems to consistently “leak” out of you) you can identify and begin the process of rooting out the sin that is really underneath the sin? Let’s face it, all of our behavioral sin has something ugly underneath it all. Where many bible teachers go wrong is they focus simply on the behavior without addressing anything that’s going on in the heart. Thomas a Kempis wrote in The Imitation of Christ, “Let us lay axe to the root, so that being purged of unruly passions we may have peace of mind. If every year we uprooted a single fault [vice], we should soon become perfect [mature]” (Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis, translated by William Creasy). This is a great place to begin in prayer and then continue in conversation with a good friend who can offer a wise way to move forward. Remember that what we are aiming at is character transformation in us and not behavior modification.

These are just a few questions but hopefully it provides a great start to 2018 as you think about what God wants to do in you and through you! Solia Dei Gloria!

Do Dogs Go To Heaven?


c & stormie copy.jpgThis Christmas morning I stood at the window looking out this beautiful sunny day with newly fallen snow and I had tears in my eyes. This weekend we had to put our family dog, Stormie, to sleep. It’s a brutal way for the family to spend Christmas but he was ready and it was time to say goodbye. In many ways, the house has been quieter without him. I’ve wondered if it’s crazy to feel so attached to a dog and to treat him as a part of the family but maybe writing this out will be a kind of therapy.

IMG_0005.jpgIt seems like a culturally western thing but it’s really amazing how dogs are a special gift from God. You bond with them in such a way that they really are a part of your life and all the traditions you have. In the story of our lives Stormie seemed to be this underlying consistency in the ups and downs of our life narrative. It was as if you could have the worst day in the world and for Stormie, this really was what the world was like – lots of kisses, snuggling, let’s play, and it’s time for a nap.

“Remember the time when Stormie…” was a constant thread in our family conversations. After hard days when the world was spinning off its axis, he greeted you at the door baring his teeth to give you his Aussie “smile”. When we were relocating to the Midwest and pulled into the hotel in Las Vegas, he was so excited to be in the room that he ran around and jumped up and down on both beds. Eventually he chose a bed to sleep on and let Chris share it with him.

IMG_0072When we were heading up to Milwaukee for Justin and Abby’s wedding a few years ago, Stormie bolted out the door and jumped right into the driver’s seat. It was as if he was saying, “I’m part of the family too!” It took us quite awhile to coax him out of the car and I think he was mad at us for being left behind (he would pee on one of the beds to punish us).

Or the time when we took him out to the high desert in California to test his herding instinct. He was put in a pen with three sheep and a border collie. As the sheep nervously bleated with this new “intruder” in their space, Stormie seemed more interested in the collie than he was with the sheep. After running around for awhile, Stormie jumped over the border collie and all of a sudden his herding instinct kicked in as he circled around the sheep. When one broke off, Stormie would go chase it back to the other two then circle around the other way. All I remember hearing is my boys proudly announcing, “That’s our dog!!” We knew he had it in him as he would often “herd” the boys nipping at them from behind leaving holes in their t-shirts.

IMG_0118.jpgThe last few months it was clear he was getting old but it never occurred to us how quickly his health would decline. His back legs had been giving out probably riddled with arthritic pain making it harder and harder for him to stand. On Saturday he just got tired of struggling to get up and it seemed like he knew it was time. The boys were home so we gathered in the kitchen to talk about it and we all agreed that it would be selfish for us to ignore reality. Stormie left quietly and peacefully with no struggle. It was if his face told us that he had finished what he came to accomplish in our family.

The last gift Stormie has given us (besides all the dog hair around the house) is learning how to grieve well. In all of this I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a family member. A dog is one thing but to lose a family member must be so terribly frightening that it immobilizes a person. When C.S. Lewis lost his wife Joy to cancer, he wrote in A Grief Observed, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” At times I have felt like throwing up and the realization of little things like leaving a light on at night or getting ready to feed him often leave me feeling strangely sad and lonely wondering if there’s enough grace for tomorrow.

I have thought about the theological possibility of dogs existing in heaven. I had a respected philosophy professor in seminary who believed this to be true based on a dog’s soul and the imagery we are given of animals in the new creation. I tend to agree and I’d like to think as well that eternal life with the Triune God will be the fulfillment of our happiest memories in this life with Him at the center. Sometimes all we are left with are memories of what we lose in this life but maybe God gives us even these as gifts to hold on to an eternal hope.

IMG_0097.jpgStormie & Me.jpg